Somewhere Between What Was And What will be...

What makes moments so very intimate? Is it their quietly influential nature? Or the fact that they’re extremely fragile? You yearn to treasure moments; lock them up in tiny glass bottles with shiny red ribbons tied on corks, capture them in perfectly composed polaroids, paint them, sing about them, dance to them; but do you ever ask why? One might say that it’s because moments are unarchivable. I say it’s because they’re impermanent. They’re ephemeral. 

The transience of ephemera - things that exist for only a short time - is evergreen and omnipresent. Quite the paradox, right? These fleeting traces leave you thinking about them, long after they’re gone. Whether it’s your coffee turning cold after being left untouched for a while (this is not about the coffee), the notification you swore you’d reply to but never did, or even your best friend’s laugh that faded quickly, all because you didn’t notice it, ephemera is all around you.

That brings me to address the very thought that I’m sure all of us have had at least once, but never bothered to give shape to: Why does time get compressed when you look backwards? Numbers keep changing, years keep evolving, and yet, living feels slow. When you think about it, what are years, if not a collection of finely crafted memories? (I thought of that while organising my saved Instagram reel folders, hehe). 

The magnitude of change within a span of a year is humongous. I know a surprisingly large number of people who began this year with, “2025 is my year!” err. uhm. That includes me. The negative side to making such conceited affirmations is that everyone you know will watch you hide in embarrassment. It’s okay, I’ve been there. Almost makes you wish for a time machine. It’s pointless, stupid even, to wish for something impossible. But hey, tough times call for tough measures, no?

The first week of January and the last week of December bring a certain buzz and teleport you to a place that no other time of the year takes you to. You find yourself balancing on a fine line between wanting the past year to end quickly, and looking forward to what the new year has in store for you. The quiet mix of thoughts and feelings when the year is ending, somewhere between “This wasn’t my year, can’t wait for it to end” and the pressures of the year, in fact, ending and giving way to a new one isn’t unfamiliar.

You can’t help but quantify the year with what you’ve achieved, the outcomes you’ve produced, the friends you’ve gained, and that one canon breakup season (been there, done that?). Even though these moments, these days, weeks and months once felt like an eternity, especially the bad times, when you inevitably sit and reflect at the end, aren’t they so fleeting? So…ephemeral?

Although it is indeed an overused and years old cliché, when the calendar shows December 31st, and the clock strikes 23:59, we always come back to the ray of hope that shines brightly amidst the midnight shadows.

If you ask my nineteen-year-old self what she has to say about all of this, she would tell you a few quiet truths: 

• Moments don’t need to last for you to remember them. 

• ‘Fake it till you make it’ is a myth. Being performative will only get you so far. Being real, though, is what it takes to make it.

• PLEASE, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, don’t make smug declarations. Yes, new year new you, but there’s no new magic reset button.

• Make yourself comfortable with the idea of uncertainty. It is only after accepting this reality that you can find some clarity within it.

• Be gentler and kinder to yourself. Stars don't need to align for you to choose yourself. 

And if you’re lucky enough, maybe you’ll actually get your Happy New Year  <3.

---

Penned by

Steffi Jecintho J | 4BBADS

Designed By:

Srishti Sharma  | 2BBADS